Humor on a Broad Scale
Few things in life are as glorious as being able to talk about movies with a monumental level of ease and prowess. I know this because I’m able to talk about movies with a monumental level of ease and prowess. Some of the lesser informed peons who infect this planet see my broad movie knowledge […]
Social Media—Research has shown that social media do nothing but good when it comes to civil discourse. Harold Jackson, an analyst, told us his perspective on the topic: “The best way to learn anything about the world is to read two to three sentence bits of information that people post on social media. Reading books […]
I was watching a YouTube video of a Bugatti, which is a car that costs about as much as the entire state of Missouri, and I got to thinking about horses. There was some train of thought, because Bugattis are expensive, and so are Ferraris, and Ferrari has a horse logo, therefore I decided I […]
When I tell people I like wine, I get the impression that what they really hear is, “I like consuming so much alcohol that control of my bodily functions is the high point of my life.” People don’t actually say that to me, but I can see the boundless judgment in their piercing, wine-colored eyes. […]
March 22, 8:00 pm: All groundhogs on the council assembled. Mayor Phil ate grass for two hours then fell asleep on top of his secretary. The town council agreed to a 24-hour recess. March 23, 8:00 pm: Mayor Phil called the meeting to order and motioned for a three-week recess. No objection from the council, […]
At Hair Peace Industries (a subdivision of Fledgling Enterprises), where you’re at peace with your hair piece, we understand the cultural and social importance of the comb-over better than anyone. We know that the comb-over is the glue that holds your social life together, and its subtlety channels life energy from the universe. Some people […]
So, you ask, how can I be more pretentious? The easiest way is to use words in combinations that don’t make any sense, thereby making the listeners feel stupid and making you look great. For example, instead of saying, “I like to read books,” say, “The various permutations of counterintuitive vagabonds metaphorically amplify ergonomic sensations […]