Avery: So, Mr. Jenkins, you said you had a horror movie pitch for me? Jenkins: Yes Mr. Avery. I’ve been working on it for some time. Three years, actually. Avery: And you do realize that you’re not going to get a large budget for this film if we make it? Jenkins: Oh, I very much […]
comedy
Me Explaining Stuff
It occurred to me that some may be wondering why the fairly large gaps between posts this year. I’m quite tempted to write some eloquent post, loaded with profundity and wit to explain my blog lapses. Instead, I’ll limit my pretension to that previous sentence and just be direct. I’ve devoted more of my time […]
Ghost Writer
Being a ghost, I’m occasionally pestered by some overzealous weirdos called ghost hunters. Basically, they wander into abandoned buildings with beeping devices they bought in the bargain bin at Radio Shack, and they wait for ghosts like me to moan. Or something. Apart from having had ghost hunters come after me, I’ve taken the liberty […]
Poopy Coffee
Some of you might have been enjoying life up until now, but you really haven’t hit the peak of your existence until you’ve drunk coffee that’s worked its way through a weasel’s colon. Alas, I have not hit the peak of my existence, largely because I’ve never been daring enough to drink poop coffee. They […]
Grizzly Bears and Babies
Here at Fledgling Enterprises, we realize that every toy manufacturer has the IQ of a grapefruit. They all suffer from a collective delusion that children want to enjoy their lives. Most of our employees have back stories so sad and pathetic that Lifetime would go out of business if we decided to make their stories […]
Canary Interview (In a Coal Mine)
Interviewer: Good morning. Come right in. Canary: Thank you. Interviewer: So, you know we’re interviewing for a coal mining position. Canary: Yep! Interviewer: And we really appreciate your enthusiasm. Canary: I flew as fast as I could to be here ten minutes early. Interviewer: That’s the spirit. Canary: The prospect of having a job is […]
Mario Saves the World
The best way to deal with life’s problems is playing video games. I know this because fortune cookies never lie, especially the one that said (really), “The rubber bands are headed in the right direction.” Before video games existed, people sat around in abject misery, contemplating how they would ever find any enjoyment out of […]