Humor on a Broad Scale
Running is as appealing to me as having a porcupine shoved down my windpipe. Other people either don’t think so, or they enjoy feeling quills burrowing through their trachea. I know this because I often see people running, even in the winter. For those of you who don’t live up north, January graces us with […]
Throughout our lives, we often have to interact with idiots who’d be better off building a bonfire on an ice raft. But because those people are really bad at building fires, unfortunately they never tumble into the icy waters, sparing us of their idiocy. You’ll frequently encounter these genetically defective twits as you go through […]
Navigating Pittsburgh is like trying to solve a Rubik’s cube while being hit in the head with a shovel. Despite the fact that I’ve driven there on several occasions, I have thus far been unable to untangle the massive labyrinth of pavement that the city refers to as roads. It’s a little-known fact that some […]
Ah, casinos… When it comes to luck, I don’t have much of it. I know this because of rigorous, completely scientific tests I’ve conducted that involve buying lottery tickets and then not winning. However, my wife has told me on numerous occasions that I’m lucky she’s married to me, and she’s right. But then again, […]
Interviewer: Good morning. Come right in. Canary: Thank you. Interviewer: So, you know we’re interviewing for a coal mining position. Canary: Yep! Interviewer: And we really appreciate your enthusiasm. Canary: I flew as fast as I could to be here ten minutes early. Interviewer: That’s the spirit. Canary: The prospect of having a job is […]
I awake at exactly 5:01am to allow myself time to prepare for the day without rushing. The extra minute after 5am subconsciously gives me a sense of urgency as it gives me the illusion of having overslept. That minor jolt of adrenaline activates my senses at a much faster rate than if I woke up […]
First of all, I’m going be really amused if people can’t figure out what masochism is. Some people might call that arrogant, but since the only way to read my blog is to get on the internet, that means people who still haven’t figured out what masochism is also haven’t figured out that they’re literally […]